8 Steps to Constructive Disagreement

In a conversation with a CEO, he let me know he was challenged by the lack of teamwork at the executive level and that a lot of his time was spent resolving disagreements between team members. He went on to state, “Each team member produces great results and is really strong in their own areas of expertise. It is like having a garage full of Ferrari’s. They are incredibly high performers, produce strong results quickly, but…they require a full-time mechanic to keep all the parts working together.” Unfortunately, in this case, the full-time mechanic for this team of Ferrari’s was the CEO.

Disagreements are a positive, normal and necessary part of building a great relationship or a team. Therefore, as an effective leader with followers, learning how to constructively deal with, and manage disagreements is critical for your success.

Disagreements are different than conflicts. Disagreements become conflicts when one or both parties perceive there is a threat to his or her well being. When ignored, disagreements can become conflicts that trigger strong emotions. With both disagreements and conflicts, we tend to view the difference through our own perceptions and misperceptions. Last, with both disagreements and conflicts, when handled constructively, there is an opportunity to build an even stronger relationship and team.

Good business decisions are brought about by respecting each other’s opinion, and having the ability to have a constructive dialogue where each team member has the opportunity to learn from each other, rather than purely liking each other.

The following 8 tips will help you, as a leader and team member, create an even stronger environment where constructive disagreement, leading to better decisions, is a vibrant part of your culture.

1. Clarify the organization’s vision and goals. If you are going to disagree with someone, ensure that you are clear on the vision and goals for the project, prior to disagreeing with them on what they are saying or a solution they are proposing.

2. Listen for understanding. Everyone has different experiences and expectations. Let your counterpart speak first. Listen for both content, feeling and understanding for what the counterpart is communicating and from what is their point of reference.

3. Ask questions to ensure understanding. Before you state your beliefs, ask a question or two to ensure you do understand your counterpart’s point of view. Providing a recommendation to resolve the difference without true understanding is leadership malpractice. Last, when you feel your level of emotion rising, almost always, you will be better off asking a question versus telling someone why they are not right.

4. Change your goals from “being right” to finding a solution that will work. When disagreements occur, egos take over and both counterparts can develop a need to be right. The minute you think you are right, you are also indirectly saying that you are smarter than your counterpart or the team. If you are focused on the goal of resolving the disagreement versus “being right,” there may be multiple solutions that will work.

5. Let go of the past. When there is a disagreement, some people are prone to focus on what happened in the past relationship versus resolving the difference being discussed at the moment. Being willing to forgive or forget will help you to stay focused on the current disagreement.

6. Be motivated to learn. If two people think identically, there would be no need for the second person to be involved in making the decision. When two people think differently and/or have different experiences, there is an opportunity to learn from each other and make an even better decision.

7. Pick your battles wisely. There are some disagreements that are not worth the time to disagree or the fallout that may occur. In certain situations, it may be in your best interests to end the conversation with, “I am not sure I agree with your perspective but I feel that I now have a better understanding of why you feel the way you do. In this discussion, I think it is ok to agree to disagree. I know we will make it work. Thanks for talking to me.”

8. Thank the people who disagree with you. There is an opportunity to have an even stronger relationship and a more successful team with people who do not always think alike. If people have the guts to disagree with you, indirectly, they are helping you to become a better leader. Thank the people who are willing to speak up with an alternative opinion.

Don’t shy away from disagreement. When lead correctly, diversity of opinion can bring out valuable solutions to problems, which you otherwise may have not known existed.

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